How to make new friends as an adult can be hard. Or maybe hard isn’t the correct word. Perhaps, awkward is what I’m looking for? And really it doesn’t have to be.
There are plenty of reasons you end up looking for new friends as an adult. One of the biggest reasons is having kids. I’m not saying dump your current friends, but it’s extremely helpful to have a handful of friends to call on for advice and to complain to about your kids.
The other reason I’ve ended up looking for new friends is because we moved. You do not, nor should you, be friendless just because you moved. There are great and easy ways to make new friends!
Both of these reasons, and a host of others, is why you need to make new friends as an adult. Listen. You can do this. And it doesn’t have to be akward. Below are some tips I’ve used over the years after having two kids and moving five times – and that’s just in my adult life.
Get to Know your Neighbors
I spent many months sitting inside my new house alone, when I had SIX OTHER families just a few houses up, all with kids in similar ages! I know we live in weird times but getting to know your neighbors can help you feel safer in your neighborhood. When you drive by someone and they’re outside you exchange friendly waves. And then one day, a neighbor comes and talks to you, and now you have a new friend. Story time.
We were sitting on our front porch in Virginia and a neighbor walked by on her walk. She had noticed us before and asked if we’d gotten to know anyone in the neighborhood yet. We said no and she said, come with me! So we followed her and she introduced us to a bunch of neighbors. That ended up being a life-changer for me while we lived in that house.
Now if you’re not luckily enough to have a neighbor walk up to you and introduce you to the rest of the neighborhood. How about baking food and ringing a doorbell? I know, it seems very old and cliché but food works every time! Put a note on the food, introducing yourself and leave it on the front porch if they don’t answer. Or, if you find a neighbor outside for any reason wave and walk over immediately! Go over and introduce yourself, it helps build a relationship. Each interaction builds, until you become friends.
You might also have been in a neighborhood for a while and notice another neighbor who doesn’t talk to others – yet. You can be that person to reach out to them! Go introduce yourself. If they end up being rude and horrible, then at least you know. But more-than-likely, you’ll end up with a new friend
Walk your Neighborhood
Without fail we always get to know more people when we walk our neighborhood. Maybe you don’t love walking up to people, then go for a walk instead. It seems a more natural fit to start out with a wave to each neighbor you see. But you really need to do more.
As you’re walking and see a neighbor, try to engage and let them know where you live, your name, ask them how long they’ve been in the neighborhood and about other neighbors. We’ll do things like, oh we haven’t meet the people in house 123, do you know them? At least you have a gage of who lives in the neighborhood and how friendly each neighbor is.
Also, go for walks at different times and days. We all have different schedules, so try to walk at different times and you will end up seeing different people. And be patient. If you move in the winter, chances are not a lot of people will be outside. Wait till the weather warms up and you’ll end up meeting more people.
Join a Group
If you’ve read my Selfish Mother post you’ll know how much I love groups and how much they’ve helped me. When I joined a mommy group after my daughter was born, it was such a relief not only to myself, but for my daughter as well. I found my group on Meetup.
If you don’t have a kid to use as a buffer, find a group that interests you a join. If you don’t like meetup, try an organized sport. What’s great about any group is it’s basically other people in your situation who want to make new friends.
Use your Children
You know how you use your children to leave parties early? Same idea here. Use your children and their friends to set up playdates and get to know the other parents. Go look for library times, mommy and me playdates, stroller strides, whatever. But when you get to the class, you must talk to others.
Talk about how your kid hasn’t slept through the night yet, or what a bad eater they are, or ask what toy their kids are loving right now. You don’t have to talk about yourself! Use your children to make friends. I also really like to see how other moms interact with their kids to see if we’ll be a fit.
Ask
Straight up ask people to be your friend. Yep. If you’re new to an area, a school, a group, whatever, you have an automatic in. Hi, I’m new here and I’m looking to make new friends. Want to hang out? It doesn’t have to be weird. Matter of a fact, it’s not. That’s how we used to ask when we were kids. It still works when you’re an adult too.
Another story here. I was at a meetup for a mommies group and it ended up being the wrong birth month of moms so I wasn’t ever going to see these woman again – but I was desperate to meet friends. So when I was at the meeting I looked around the table to see who talked more and who I’d vibe with. Once the meeting was over I turned to someone I thought would be a good match, and explained that I was new in town and if she wanted to be my friend. She said yes and we’re still friends todays! You have to put yourself out there or you won’t make new friends guys.
Ask your Friends
Even if you’re moving across the county, you can still reach out to your current friends to see if they know anyone in your new area. The world is a lot smaller than you think and you just never know! When I moved to my new area, I reached out to people on Facebook and sure enough one of my friends knew of a group for me. So I was added to a Whatsapp group of moms, and other woman in the area, where we recently moved to. Now I have a network of people to ask questions about the area and hang out with.
Use Food
When in doubt bake, cook or buy tasty treats and bring them with you to new places you’ll be – when it makes sense. Food is a universal language, we all know that by now. Going to a neighors to introduce yourself? Bring food. Going to your first meetup? Bring food. It’s an automatic conversation starter. Are you apart of a new group but still haven’t made friends? Host a party at your place, a brunch, whatever you feel is right. Because when everyone is eating, people relax and open up more.
Talk About What You Know
If you find yourself in a lule, talk about what you know. Did you eat something good recently? Share it. Did you go somewhere cool? Share it. Who doesn’t want to know something new or interesting? I know that if someone told me where to find killer Peruvian food out here I’d freak out.
What about if you don’t know anything? If you really don’t know what to talk about in any of these situations, just remember google. If you would google your question, it’s probably a good conversation starter. Hey Google, where is the best dessert place. Hey Google, what’s there to do in my new town? Ask those questions to your new friends instead. You might even set up another meetup based on those queries!
Get the Digits
I just wanted to follow that headline with a bunch of laughing emojis. If you think you could genuinely be friends with that person, get their number! Tell them you’re looking for new friends and ask for their digits. Here’s my thing. Who cares if they say no? OK then, bye. I’m awesome and you just missed out on some cool hangouts.
If a number is too intimidating, you can always ask for their social media account and go from there.
Go with Your Gut
Once I know I’m out to make new friends, I look for people I mesh with. This is when you need to go with your gut. You will automatically feel happy and smile when you’re with that person. That’s your sign man.
If you can be your normal self with them, then you’ve clicked and you’ve found your friend. One of my friends once told me they knew they were going to be my friend after I made a funny comment. That’s her gut talking and she was right.
And remember, you don’t have to be best friends with everyone you meet. I’ve made plenty of friends, where we maybe we didn’t hang out a bunch, but it was still worth the friendship. That being said, I do typically find a really good friend, or two, at each move.
Be Safe
One more word of advice, be safe and use caution. Don’t meet up with one person until you’ve hung out enough and feel safe. Go to groups in open places. Don’t host at your house or go to their house until you feel comfortable. And always tell your old friends or family where you’re going until again, you feel safe.
Now go out there. Be confident. Be yourself. And go a make a new friend!
